Moab, UT looks like the surface of Mars! I actually exclaimed out loud as I was driving through Canyonlands National Park “Wow, this looks different!” I’ve never been anywhere that looks like this and that makes me very happy.
On my way here from Denver I stopped at the
Yampah Spa in Glenwood Springs, CO. For under 40 bucks I got a 45 minute mineral bath (we all know I needed a bath) and I could spend as much time as I could stand in their 115 degree Vapor Caves, which is like a giant all-natural steam room that smells like sulphur. It was fun to hang out in a big weird dark dripping cave with lots of half naked people walking around, it felt like a scene from a Dario Argento movie. Now it’s hours later and I still kind of smell like sulphur, but what else is new?
Speaking of my hygiene, let’s talk about personal upkeep while on the road. Yes, I was “that girl” this evening, that weird girl sitting on the bumper of her car clipping her toenails in a parking area at a National Park. Just in case any of you were wondering it is possible to maintain a beauty regimen while roadtripping, you just have to be willing to be that weirdo who’s washing her face and armpits in a rest stop bathroom. Here are some tips that I’ve made up along the way:
1. Cetaphil is a godsend: because you don’t have to use water to rinse it off! You can wash your face by just putting it on and then wiping it off with a washcloth, your t-shirt, what-ev’s. Me likey because I can camp out and be filthy and not shower for days and days but my face still looks like that of one of you normals. See the end of this blogpost for a funny story about not showering.
2. What to do if your armpits stink and you’re nowhere near a shower: This has happened to me many times, so I invented a little stanky-pit refresher. I mix a little bit of tea tree oil with a little bit of water and I splash it under my arms. Tea tree oil is antibacterial so it helps to kill the smelly germs, and it has a clean scent.
3. I figured out why the hippies love their patchouli so much: it very effectively masks the scent of body odor! Something about the woodsy smell really efficiently cancels out B.O. smell. So far scientific research has failed to come up with a reason why, but I hear that researchers are working around the clock at Princeton.
4. Aquaphor is also a godsend: especially when you’re in the desert or the mountains and your skin is drier than a zombie’s! This stuff costs like three bucks for a tube and it has a million and one uses. It works for chapped lips, it can be an under eye cream, it helps cuts heal smoothly, you can put it on dry feet, it’s awesome! When I was a kid I feel like my mom whipped out her giant tub of Aquaphor for any skin ailment I ever had, and I used to think she was bonkers for it but as is always the case Mom was right.
Okay time for the funny story about not showering. One night long ago when CBGB’s was still open a friend of mine had a photo show there. I was waiting out front to meet her and a homeless man came up and started talking to me, as they often do. He said “Do you know what it feels like to take a shower after you haven’t showered for two weeks?” I decided to take a “I’m just as crazy as you” approach so I said “Yes.” He said “No you don’t!” And I said “You know what? I haven’t showered for three weeks.” And he flipped out! He walked away, shouting stuff like “Damn, that bitch is STINKY!” I was flabbergasted, I was like “I can’t believe I just grossed out a homeless man.” Don’t worry I was lying to him, when I lived in NYC I was really into the whole showering on a regular basis thing.
