what is this amazing piece of fine jewelry?

okay OKAY people, I know it's been a while since I've blogged. I'm sure you're all foaming at the mouth, aching, just DYING to have more of my witticisms about roadtrips fill your web browser. Well I will not disappoint. Well, actually I will disappoint because I think the roadtrip has come to an end.

I really like Seattle! I'm going to stick around until I either fall in love with it or get sick of it, but as of right now I'm leaning towards the love side. The city is nice, there's lots of stuff to do here, and there are a myriad of wonderful outdoorsy-type activities within arm's length. I'm very sad that this trip has come to an end, but I'm so grateful that I got to take it. Here are some important life lessons I've learned along the way:

1. The volume on my car radio only goes up to 38. Isn't that a strange, arbitrary number to have as the max volume? I can't tell you how many times I struggled with the dial as I was trying to blast Thin Lizzy, to only have the radio stand staunchly at 38!

2. Eating cereal while driving 80mph on the highway will result in cereal getting stuck in weird places in your car and on your person. Those "Oh's!" are just too tempting to not eat while driving, but the honey really makes them stick where ever they get stuck.

3. Everyone loves a story about the time you got covered in bugs. Unless you're about to share a bed with them.

4. Wawa stores have the best bathrooms, the most consistently. They also do not exist on the West coast, so I'll have to find another chain store with sanitary bathrooms out here. Starbucks are no good, because the diurectic effects of coffee are always working against them.

5. Walgreen's drugstores are sellers of fine jewelry. Note the ring (pictured above) that I recently purchased there for $1.99, it's a glow in the dark skull that has glow in the dark LIP GLOSS inside. How cool is that? The next time someone wants to kiss me and there's suddenly a blackout, I'm going to be prepared. Will you?

6. Always put the rain fly up on your tent. Always, always, even if you don't think it's going to rain. And if you don't put it up, at least keep it in the tent with you, and not in a car that's parked a quarter of a mile away. Some lessons are learned the hard way. Or the hard and wet way.

7. There are some aging hippies out there who are very, very lonely. And they often will approach you if you hang out in the parks long enough. And they will never stop talking if you let them start. Same goes for guitar playing, and hugging.

8. When camping alone, you don't need a lot of equipment. Since I had never really been camping before I went on this trip, I got all this stuff that I didn't need like a backpacking stove and various tools for starting a fire and a portable shower bag and whatnot. Really, you can be very comfortable with just a tent, a sleeping bag, and a light source of some sort. And a big knife to slash any bears or aging hippies who get too close of course.

9. All of my friends' friends are so cool. Or course I wouldn't expect anything less, because all of my friends are cool! Everyone who provided me with a place to sleep or a new thing to do was such a pleasure to hang out with, and hopefully I'll find an apartment soon so I can return the favor someday.

10. Brooklyn is a very special place, and everyone should go live there at some point in their lives. And then they should leave. Just kidding. I'll miss the big BK so much! However I'm also really excited to get to know a new city.

11. Getting sappy in blog form does not translate.

Don't get your panties in a bunch, I'll write in this blog again soon. Who knows? Maybe this staying put thing won't stick.

2:24 PM;

Like a drifter i was born to walk alone...

rialto beach... it's like the beach, only colder!

I spent the last couple of nights camping on the Olympic Peninsula, which was so lovely. I spent my first night on Rialto Beach, a great spot along the Western coastline where you can camp practically right on the beach, behind the safety of giant piles of driftwood. This is a pretty magical spot, lots of young folk and families gather here, and for good reason. The water is too cold to go for a swim without a wetsuit, but when the tide goes out there are all these tidal pools that allow you to view the ocean-life without actually going in the ocean. I saw three big fat starfish, and weird fat sea plants (that's the techinical name) that would close up when you touched them, and a bunch of snails and all sorts of neat-o stuff.
Then I spent one night camped out in the rainforest. Did you know that there's a rainforest in the Continental US? Neither did I, but it's here and it's really pretty. That's where I saw this giant slug!




The rainforest is very mossy and green and beautful, it looks like a place where fairies and gnomes live in giant tree stumps. I didn't spot any, but a hell of a lot of mosquitoes spotted me, yowsa! I thought I left those jerks in the dust in Utah, but apparently the West Coast has them too. I had to bust out my bug-spray arsenal all over again, I'm sure that the levels of DEET in my bloodstream have gone off the charts!

3:29 PM;

Like a drifter i was born to walk alone...

i saw a pigskin in the puget sound!!! perhaps i've found the real source of the tacoma-aroma...

I don't think I have time to do a full-force blog entry right now, but just know THIS readers: I'm in Tacoma, WA. I'm having a ton of fun. I went to a minor league baseball game last night and the Marainers won, which apparently is not usually how these games turn out. I went on a boat ride at Salmon Beach the other day, which is where I saw that washed up pigskin, which was only identifiable as a pig because it's hooves were still attached. That is all.

10:26 AM;

Like a drifter i was born to walk alone...

yes, it really is this cold in montana right now.

A man who I had chatted with earlier walked past me on a trail yesterday evening as I was admiring the view from the shore of Bowman Lake in Glacier NP. "It's a lot like Brooklyn," he jokingly mused. "Yeah," I laughed. "Jesus fucking christ," I thought to myself, "Look at how different everything in my life is compared to a mere four months ago. I'm in freaking Montana fer crissake." But then again, some things are not so different. Later I was multitasking by the campfire; writing in my journal, reading a magazine, and checking my next route on a map, when a family of deer came very close to where I was sitting. "Deer," I said as I tossed a rock at them, "I'm sorry but you're bothering me and I've got a lot of work to do." As if a nosy roommate had been haranguing me or something! Ah, the trials and tribulations of a city-turned-mountain lady.



On the city-gal tip: it seems like every place I've visited lately someone has told me "oh you came here at the wrong time or year." When I was in Moab it was very hot and everyone told me that I should have come in September. When I was in Jackson it was very cold and rainy and everyone told me that I should have come in July. People, it's not like I'm on a pleasure cruise here. I get somewhere when I get somewhere and I deal with the weather as is, like it or lump it. It's all new and enjoyable to a city-lady anyways!

Bowman Lake is about as far away as one can get from the city in America, at least it feels that way. There are two ways to get here: 40 miles down a mostly dirt, partially paved road, or 36 miles down a single lane all dirt road. I tried both ways, the all dirt road is more scenic but it's really curvy so you feel like a truck is going to plow you down from the opposite direction the whole time. Fun! On the partially paved road there are not one but two places where you can pay to take a shower, and we all know how much I enjoy bathing. Especially here in grizzly country, where it's best to keep yourself as odorless as possible.

9:32 AM;

Like a drifter i was born to walk alone...

what awaits you in montana? a lovely bunch of nothing.

Oh so much has happened since I last blogged I don't know where to start! I'll just randomly spout some things off: I drove through Vernal, UT where they have a REALLY cool statue of a dinosaur wearing a cowboy hat and sunglasses holding a watermelon, next to a pedestal with a hamburger on it. I don't know what the hell it's about but aesthetically it's amazing. I camped in Grand Teton National Park which is very pretty and very much full of bears, but not quite as full of bears as Glacier National Park where I am now. I went to the farmer's market in Jackson Hole and obtained a ridiculously huge bunch of carrots for four dollars, which I am still eating. I didn't sleep a wink in the two days I spent in the Grand Tetons because it stormed the first night that I was there and the second night I went out on a very long date with a boy who worked in the park (local beer = yummy!) and then left early in the morning for Montana. When I got to the hostel I slept at during my first night in Glacier I went to bed at like 9:30 and slept for about 12 hours, only interrupted once in the middle of the night when I went to go use the outhouse. I was very frightened that the bears and mountain lions and wolves of Glacier would be lying in wait for me outside the outhouse, but it all turned out okay.



glacier np is pretty!

The Northfork Hostel is an old dude ranch that was converted into a hostel in 1979, it's a really neat spot just west of Glacier that you have to drive waaaaay down a dirt road to get to. The people there are exceptionally friendly, the place feels much more like the communes I've stayed at rather than a hostel. There is little in the way of modern conveniences but they do have kerosene lamps in every room and an indoor shower and a fully functioning kitchen, which is more comfort than I'm used to these days. They give you the option of sleeping either in a dorm, cabin, tipi, or your own tent. I chose the dorms since beds are few and (literally!) far between for me these days.

So I've driven through an enormous climate change in the last few days, I went from sweating in 100 degree weather in Moab to busting out my sweatshirt in Grand Teton to breaking out my zero-degree sleeping bag in Glacier! I can't believe it's August, it feels as though I must have driven into the month of November here. It's pleasantly chilly though, and a welcome change from the desert heat.

Speaking of heat, there's a lot of forest fires going on in Montana right now! I drove through some on my way up here, which appeared to be healthy, natural, under-brush burning fires, but it was still a crazy sight. There are huge encampments of fire fighters and national guardsmen all along the highways in some areas, and whole valleys enclosed in a smoky green haze. At the ranger station in Glacier NP they said that there were some fires going on in the eastern part of the park, which I am staying away from. Between the bears, cougars, wolves, and forest fires, northwestern Montana sounds pretty formidable right? Yeah probably, but the sights are spectacular enough and the locals are friendly enough that I'm pretending not to notice. I'll probably make it out alive. Probably.

4:57 PM;

Like a drifter i was born to walk alone...

double-O arches at arches NP

Ah, another day, another hike where I feel like I'm going to die alone in the desert. Today I explored Arches National Park, where I must say the little piles of rocks trails were much better maintained than those at Canyonlands'. My apologies to the hottie ranger at Canyonlands, but your trails blow compared to Arches. Btw there's a very hot park ranger who works at Canyonlands, he hunted me down to talk to me because he saw my NY plates and he's from Buffalo. I couldn't have been happier to talk about that crappy town with him. But other than that guy, there's little reason to choose Canyonlands over Arches.

So I started off my hike this morning with a friend I met at the Lazy Lizard hostel, where I am staying and where one can procure a clean bed for a mere 9 dollars, but we parted ways after a bit because she had a skydiving appointment at 10am (ref: "extreme sports types" in the previous entry). Then I proceeded to go through a whole trail loop that was much longer than I expected (god forbid I check a map), and I ended up sweating my face off in the mid-morning sun once again. The scenery was really nice though, and the hike was pleasant before the sun was in full force.


"dark angel," a landmark that is not nearly as cool-looking as its name would imply.

Oh and to make matters worse, these parks are all inexplicably filled up with European tourists, who go hiking in chic little outfits and carry around little Evian bottles and who never sweat or pant no matter what. How do those French ladies do it? They always look cool and stylish, even in the desert in August. When I was camping in Canyonlands I saw a German family that was driving around in a huge kelly green antique chevy pick-up with a matching green trailer, how cute is that? Even their camping gear was stylin!

On a completely unrelated note: You know what the worst thing about not having a home is? There's no place to send Netflix. When I had to cancel my Netflix account it was like tearing my first born from my breast, there are few words to describe how much I love Netflix. And now they keep sending me taunting emails, that say things like "Come back to Netflix for only $4.99!" Oh Netflix gods, don't you understand that if I could I would? Man I miss my zombie movies.

1:33 PM;

Like a drifter i was born to walk alone...

The desert is scary. The dessert is delicious! Mmmmm… dessert.

Moab is a hotspot for extreme-sports types, I could tell I was getting close on the highway when a van full of professional mountain bikers drove past me and held up a sign that said “we fuck for money.” Oh bless your hearts extreme-teamers, what would the late 1990’s have been like without you? Do the dew!

So today I thought it would be a great idea to go for an eight mile hike in Canyonlands National Park. An eight mile hike in the desert in August, sounds swell, right? Believe it or not it was a horrific idea. First of all, instead of trails like us east coasters are accustomed to (i.e. little dirt roads in the woods that are easy to spot) the trails out here are imaginary little roads that are marked by small piles of rocks. Small piles of rocks?!? I’m in “Canyonland,” fer crissake everything looks like a pile of rocks. Needless to say, I wandered off the “trail” several times which is really scary when you’re hiking by yourself. Secondly, it was just too freakin’ hot outside for me to be wading through the sand and scaling boulders today. I got a little less than three miles out and then I decided to turn back rather than risk dying of heat exhaustion on mile 8. I ran into a couple of other hikers on my way back. They were like “We saw your footprints, are you not doing the whole loop?” I thought it was weird that they had been tracking my footprints, what am I, a jackrabbit? I said “No, I’m too hot, I decided to go back.” They were like “Well do you have enough water?” And I’m like “Yes, but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s 100 DEGREEES out here!” Frankly, I’m sick of all this talk about water here. If I’m hot because I’m climbing rocks in 100 degree weather, water is not going to do a damn thing about it unless I’m bathing in a giant, icy pool of it.

But I dis the desert too harshly. What I did see of Canyonlands today was very, very pretty. I saw amazing sheer rock cliffs and crazy gnarled trees and cute little cacti and adorable little bunnies and lizards (and no rattlesnakes). Plus the quiet that exists out here is unlike anything I’ve ever heard before, I think my ears are actually ringing on account of the lack of noise. Every time I burp I feel like it echoes for miles…

5:02 PM;

Like a drifter i was born to walk alone...

Moab, UT looks like the surface of Mars! I actually exclaimed out loud as I was driving through Canyonlands National Park “Wow, this looks different!” I’ve never been anywhere that looks like this and that makes me very happy.

On my way here from Denver I stopped at the Yampah Spa in Glenwood Springs, CO. For under 40 bucks I got a 45 minute mineral bath (we all know I needed a bath) and I could spend as much time as I could stand in their 115 degree Vapor Caves, which is like a giant all-natural steam room that smells like sulphur. It was fun to hang out in a big weird dark dripping cave with lots of half naked people walking around, it felt like a scene from a Dario Argento movie. Now it’s hours later and I still kind of smell like sulphur, but what else is new?

Speaking of my hygiene, let’s talk about personal upkeep while on the road. Yes, I was “that girl” this evening, that weird girl sitting on the bumper of her car clipping her toenails in a parking area at a National Park. Just in case any of you were wondering it is possible to maintain a beauty regimen while roadtripping, you just have to be willing to be that weirdo who’s washing her face and armpits in a rest stop bathroom. Here are some tips that I’ve made up along the way:

1. Cetaphil is a godsend: because you don’t have to use water to rinse it off! You can wash your face by just putting it on and then wiping it off with a washcloth, your t-shirt, what-ev’s. Me likey because I can camp out and be filthy and not shower for days and days but my face still looks like that of one of you normals. See the end of this blogpost for a funny story about not showering.

2. What to do if your armpits stink and you’re nowhere near a shower: This has happened to me many times, so I invented a little stanky-pit refresher. I mix a little bit of tea tree oil with a little bit of water and I splash it under my arms. Tea tree oil is antibacterial so it helps to kill the smelly germs, and it has a clean scent.

3. I figured out why the hippies love their patchouli so much: it very effectively masks the scent of body odor! Something about the woodsy smell really efficiently cancels out B.O. smell. So far scientific research has failed to come up with a reason why, but I hear that researchers are working around the clock at Princeton.

4. Aquaphor is also a godsend: especially when you’re in the desert or the mountains and your skin is drier than a zombie’s! This stuff costs like three bucks for a tube and it has a million and one uses. It works for chapped lips, it can be an under eye cream, it helps cuts heal smoothly, you can put it on dry feet, it’s awesome! When I was a kid I feel like my mom whipped out her giant tub of Aquaphor for any skin ailment I ever had, and I used to think she was bonkers for it but as is always the case Mom was right.

Okay time for the funny story about not showering. One night long ago when CBGB’s was still open a friend of mine had a photo show there. I was waiting out front to meet her and a homeless man came up and started talking to me, as they often do. He said “Do you know what it feels like to take a shower after you haven’t showered for two weeks?” I decided to take a “I’m just as crazy as you” approach so I said “Yes.” He said “No you don’t!” And I said “You know what? I haven’t showered for three weeks.” And he flipped out! He walked away, shouting stuff like “Damn, that bitch is STINKY!” I was flabbergasted, I was like “I can’t believe I just grossed out a homeless man.” Don’t worry I was lying to him, when I lived in NYC I was really into the whole showering on a regular basis thing.

4:56 PM;

Like a drifter i was born to walk alone...

a singles network flyer that someone left on my windshield at the whole foods parking lot in denver. how flattering!

Get ready, National Parks of Northwestern America, I'm comin' at ya! In the next two weeks I'm going to be camping and hiking at all of the following parks:

- Rocky Mountain NP
- Canyonlands NP
- Arches NP
- Grand Teton NP
- Glacier NP

On the National Parks Service website , which I am a HUGE fan of, their tagline is: Experience Your America. Well I am certainly taking my America for a spin this month. I know that devoted readers of my blog (of which I'm sure there are many) will remember me bitching about the eighty dollar price tag for a National Parks Pass but I think that the outrageous cost has really propelled me into visiting as many parks as possible this year. That and the fact that I've got no house and no job and I've got to spend my time somewhere, doing something! Might as well go for a hike.

I don't think I have any highlights from Denver this week, although I did go to the local Buffalo Exchange (always a favorite clothing store of mine) and get a bitchin' new vest for twelve bucks. For those of you not in the know Buffalo Exchange is a chain of stores where you can buy and sell used clothes, it's pretty great but naturally it can't compare to my true fav Beacon's Closet in Brooklyn. To follow my stream of consciousness here's a funny story about Beacon's Closet:

Once I was on the B63 bus on 5th ave in Brooklyn and there were these two girls my age sitting in front of me, and being the snoop that I am I was eavesdropping on their conversation. The bus drove past Beacon's Closet in Park Slope. The one girl was saying how Beacon's Closet was prejudiced against "bigger girls" because she always tries to sell her clothes there but they don't take them because she's a size 10, while her friend who is a size 6 never has any problems selling clothes to them. I giggled because I'm a size 10 and I sell my clothes to Beacon's Closet all the time, I made 300 bucks there when I moved. Clearly that girl was pinning the blame on her clothing size, when really it was just that her clothes sucked. And I resent that girl calling herself "bigger" at a size 10, I think we're pretty damn normal-sized. Ain't nothing wrong with having an ample booty, lady! Now go buy some new clothes, because nobody wants yours.

Ah, Brooklyn life. I don't really miss it that much, I know it's hard to believe after that thrilling tale.

3:16 PM;

Like a drifter i was born to walk alone...

denver is ugly, so i took a picture of my friend's doggie instead.

Yup, sorry to say this Denver, but your architecture is incredibly un-noteworthy. I drove in on I-76 and was thoroughly unimpressed by the skyline. But looks aren't everything, are they?
Yesterday my friend and I went to a party at Avery Brewing Co. in Boulder, which was pretty fun. For fifteen bucks you could have all the beer you could handle and all the roast pig you could swallow! I'm a veggie, so I stuck to the flat tooth options of coleslaw and watermelon, a delicious combo. They roasted six pigs in all, and they lined up all the heads on a table with apples in their mouths. Gross, but kind of funny! There were lots of jam bands playing and plenty of men wearing cargo shorts and flip flops playing hacky sack, not typically my kind of scene but after a couple of IPA's I could stomach it. I like people-watching, and this was a grand spot for it. We met up with another friend who is an acquaintance of the Brewer through the rock-climbing community, we sat at the Brewer's table and admired everyone's stellar biceps and good tans. I enjoy a serious athlete who appreciates a good beer or two. There was one lady there who apparently is a world famous climber, and she had the baddest biceps of them all for sure. Don't ask me her name, because even if I had learned it yesterday I sure as hell wouldn't remember it now.
Today I'm just sittin' back and enjoying the pleasure of peanut butter on wheat thins on a rainy day...

8:48 AM;

Like a drifter i was born to walk alone...